You send an email; an out of office auto-reply returns.
It is possibly a holiday? Maybe time for a well-deserved break from the grind of the job? Perhaps they’re away on a family or friend affair in a sleepy Spanish town with no wi-fi? Maybe down the shore in New Jersey?
No, this person is in Cannes – and you’re not.
Your brow instantly furrows. This person is at the boondoggliest of boondoggles and you’re finishing up teatime with a stale custard biscuit or lunch with a chopped salad that didn’t take.
If you’re not here, you’re not happy. If you’re here, you’re happy. But you should have a slight pang of lingering guilt.
The fact is, there is no winner in the Cannes out of office.
The common Cannes O3 generally follows a pattern.
Here are some observations, editorial comment and suggestions that may or not make sense.
An announcement that “I am in Cannes.”
This can be the biggest jack-wagon comment. It’s the word equivalent of doing that thing where you put your thumbs on your ears, wave them and say, “nyah, nyah, nyah, nyahhhh, nyah.”
If you have written this, consider the “diffuser transitional.” I just coined this. And it is that phrase that acknowledges that you’re there but “someone had to do it.”
This is a very good tactic because most of us get to take the “good trips” at some point. If it’s not Cannes, it’s that client thing in Hawaii or a retreat at an amazing resort. Whilst you are on this trip, the person who has presented you with this Cannes O3 will be stuck at the office and you can tastefully return the favour.
Mention of Cannes Lions.
This is good. Everyone likes a little product placement. Plus, you may educate your friends and colleagues. Make sure you link to appropriate places.
Being unavailable.
This may be biggest cop-out line in the Cannes Out of Office.
Essentially, the notion that there is no f***ing way you can be reached. The verbiage could very well be diplomatic, but you’re in Cannes, not some remote shack in the Yukon. So don’t front that you’re sooooooo busy.
If you are a judge, you have every right to say that you’re busy because, legitimately, you are.
If you receive a note like this from someone, call his or her mobile immediately. They’ve wasted your time with this s**t comment, so you should waste theirs.
Speaking of mobiles…
Always leave a number that people can reach or at least leave a message. I know that this seems like common sense, but I’ve seen some that make it seem like — oh wait — I already mentioned the Yukon thing.
Remember, as a general rule, you are here for work. Yes, it is tremendous fun and a week to cut loose, but don’t just disappear if people need you.
If there is no mobile number on a message you receive, just call their work number and leave a couple of messages every day. Hopefully, they’re checking.
Being crystal clear on your return.
The best advice I can give here is to build in an extra day to recover. You may have the turbo hangover. You’ll probably be exhausted. It’s perfectly fine to add a day after your actual return date to clear your head a little.
And you’ll definitely need the recovery time.
But, perhaps more important than any of the tips above, you absolutely must remember the most imperative rule of the Cannes Out of Office: Turn it off when you’re back to work; lest everyone else think Cannes got the better of you.
Even if it did.